Do you feel like you have a magnet for difficult people? You start out being kind, accommodating, and understanding—only to find yourself walking on eggshells, drained from managing someone else’s emotions.
This isn’t a coincidence. It’s a dynamic shaped by good girl conditioning—and if you’ve spent your life people-pleasing, avoiding conflict, and over-functioning in relationships, you’re more likely to attract emotionally immature, reactive, or even toxic people.
Here’s why it happens—and what you can do to break free.
What is ‘Good Girl’ Conditioning?
Growing up, many women internalise the belief that their worth is tied to how easy they are to be around. This conditioning teaches you to:
✔️ Stay small and agreeable
✔️ Prioritise others’ needs over your own
✔️ Take responsibility for other people’s emotions
Maybe you were the child who didn’t cause trouble because there was already enough chaos at home. Maybe you became the peacemaker, the one who smoothed things over, never made a fuss, and made sure everyone else was okay—even at your own expense.
Over time, this belief system doesn’t just shape how you show up in relationships—it also impacts who you attract.
Why ‘Good Girls’ Magnetise Difficult People
If you were taught that love and acceptance come from being easy to be around, guess who finds that very appealing?
People who are:
❌ Highly reactive and unpredictable
❌ Emotionally immature and unable to self-soothe
❌ Irresponsible and unwilling to be accountable
This includes people with traits of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) (who struggle with intense emotions, fear of abandonment, and unstable relationships) or Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) (who seek admiration, lack empathy, and manipulate to maintain control).
While not everyone with BPD or NPD engages in harmful relationship patterns, people with these traits often seek out friends/partners who will absorb their emotional chaos. And because the grown-up ‘good girl’ is used to over-functioning and avoiding conflict, she makes the perfect match.
The Co-Dependent Storm
This dynamic creates a toxic cycle:
💨 The ‘good girl’ feels responsible for the difficult person’s reactions, moods, and bad behavior.
💨 The difficult person stays comfortably in victim mode, shifting blame onto others and avoiding accountability.
💨 The result? A co-dependent relationship where one person gives endlessly, and the other takes without limits.
It’s like playing emotional whack-a-mole—constantly anticipating their next meltdown, filtering your words to avoid setting them off, and working overtime to “fix” problems that aren’t even yours to begin with.
And the worst part? It never works. No matter how much you give, they will always need more.
Breaking Free: How to Step Out of This Exhausting Dynamic
If you’re reading this and seeing your own patterns, know this: You are not the problem. But you do have the power to change how you show up in relationships.
Here’s what it takes to break free:
✔️ Awareness of the role you play—Recognising when you’re over-functioning and taking responsibility for others’ emotions.
✔️ The ability to process guilt—Learning to sit with the discomfort of not fixing things.
✔️ The courage to be disliked—Understanding that setting boundaries will upset some people, and that’s okay.
✔️ Assertive communication—Clearly stating your needs without over-explaining or apologising.
✔️ Sturdy boundaries—No longer bending to accommodate difficult people at your own expense.
This work is uncomfortable. It requires unlearning years of conditioning and stepping into a version of yourself that no longer prioritises being easy over being whole.
But trust me: you will not lose the right people by stepping into your power. You will only lose the ones who benefited from your silence.
Ready to Start This Work?
If you’re tired of the emotional exhaustion that comes with attracting difficult people, you don’t have to navigate this alone. This is exactly the work I do with my clients—helping them release good girl conditioning, process the guilt that comes with change, and step into a life where they don’t have to tiptoe around anyone.
💬 Book a free consultation HERE to get started.
📩 Send me a DM on Instagram @sitwithself
You are not here to be convenient. You are here to take up space.
